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.Tuesday, August 09, 2005 ' 11:22 PM Y

a year for crying?

..alot have happened to me this year..
i started crying alot now..
and i don't even know why..
is it because i want to..or is it because it hurts so much..that i can't bear the pain in my heart knowing that your not there anymore..
my life ..started like this..
it was a raining night..i was home alone again..this was the night niisan left me..i cried all night waiting for him to come back..but he didnt..that was july 7th..until now i haven't seen him online..after a few weeks..i met a guy and totally forgottened about him..i tought that it would be nice to forget about him for once..and not cry at night just because of him,so i started to get closer to the guy i met..in 4days..he was my boyfriend..his name is john ong..i loved him dearly ..but now..there is another guy ..i met him a long time ago..but nvr felt anything for him until he told me he loves me..i started having feelings for him..slowly getting closer by the minute..until i found out..omg..im having an affair with him..i have john..and yet..i have another ..until now im still confused..everyone is expectin g me to choose someone ..or something..how can i possibly just choose one of them..it hurts me just as much as it hurts them ..whenever i want to try to break up with john..i keep thinking about..how much he loves me..and that i promised i'd never leave him..i end up crying every night..until today i'm still crying..and i don't even know why..is it because i love them too much? this is a desition i cant ever decide on..what am i suppose to do..my heart is breakin knowing that i love 2 people..why does this happen to me..why am i crying every night..why is it that its always my fault..this year..i have been a crying bitch..and i don't know how to stop it..whenever i get this feeling in my heart..like some dagger has just been stabbed in my heart ..and some1 is trying to pull it out..when its stuck tight..or is it cupids arrow ..telling me things..that im suppose to know..thats all i know for now..-red tears falling-

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